Silence

Silence, in the night
Darkness does not try to hide
The walls around me are crumbling
As I hurt deep inside

Silence, in my body
I cannot think straight anymore
My heart and mind are closed
I have become nothing but a core

I am but a shell
Of the self that I once was
My spirit is dead and my heart is gone
Of this misery, I am the cause

Slowly I am losing my sanity
Slowly my life is ebbing away
For now I am dead and so is my soul -
To think that I had been wishing for this very day

I used to wish for death
I used to lust for blood
But now that I have received death
I feel as if I had drawn a tarot card

It was not meant to happen this way
It was not meant to be
And now the one that I love -
She no longer cares for me

I know she does not love me
But I am grateful for what she has done
The short time we used to be together
Has been a spark in this darkness as bright as the sun

I am grateful for the friends
That had comforted me in my time of need
If not for them, where would I be?
If not for them, what would have become of me?

Now although I am dead
The memories remain
But soon they will fade
And all that is left will be the remnants of my shame.

It Is Too Late

Knives
Piercing into my heart
I feel as fragile
As a shard of glass

I cannot escape
The darkness that has engulfed me
My fears are changing shape
And the bondage of my sin
Is the cause of my misery

If a rose's petals have fallen
Is it not still a rose?
Is it not still, in all its parts
The very embodiment of a rose?

If a mirror has been broken
Into a thousand shards of glass
Are the shards no longer tokens
Of the mirror that once reflected stars?

If a man was a criminal
No matter how hard he works
To fit into society
Was he not still a criminal at first?

So how can you say
My sin is not a sin
When what I have done
Has almost caused the death of my kin?

So how can you say
That it is not my fault
What do you know
Of this pain that feels like I have been shot?

Do you think my problem is simply solved
By telling it to them
Do you think that by doing so
You are a light unto my lamp?

Do you not see
How foolish your doings are
I know your good intentions,
But your actions make you stupidest of all so far

It is purely my fault -
I have caused this misery
It would be absurd to tell
If I had kept it under wraps
For close to half a century

I do not want to disappoint
I do not want to let them down
For it is now too late
The damage has been done.

I Will Be By Her Side

My dreams are still
My eyes are open
My body is asleep
But my mind is frozen

My heart is no longer plagued with love
But rather with the knowledge of my sin
No longer am I stricken with grief
But more with the sorrow of my kin.

I am worried for her;
I am scared and frightened
That she may end up like me
During that peak in which my sin was heightened.

I cannot forget
The bloodlust I used to feel
It is torment
Just to recall the time when I had wanted so much to kill

Were it not for my divine Creator
I would have been condemned to Hell
Were it not for my Heavenly Father
I would, from His grace, have fell

My earthly father would have died
He would have gone to Heaven;
If my bloodlust had continued
Out of all the sins, I would have committed all seven.

No one was there for me
At the time I needed help the most
I could not tell a single soul
And so paid the price for that very toll

I do not wish to see
That which had happened to me
Occur to her
In the same torturous way it had occurred to me

Hence I will not leave her alone
For I have decided
To be right by her side
In this time of need that she has shown.

Time

When time stops
Time flies
I stop in my tracks
And I feel like I'm going to die

The hands of the clock
Keep moving -
They don't stop.

I try to run away
As far as I can
Because I cannot stay -
The ground is like quicksand.

But wherever I go
You creep into my mind
Whatever I do
You turn up in my sight.

I want to stop this
You said you loved me
But after we kissed
You didn't want me

I cannot forget
The kindness you have shown
Now I feel like dying -
This is the fruit of the seeds I have sown.

When will this stop?
When will this end?
When can I finally run away
And escape this enveloping sand?

At first you brought me joy
But now it's turned to unease
As though my love was planted in soil
Soil that brings only disease

My heart aches
As the days go by
My eyes are red
As I lay on my bed and cry

Have mercy on me,
This, of you I implore
Leave me alone already
So that we can end this once and for all.

Rose Petals Have Fallen

Rose petals have fallen
And what was once mine
Has been forgotten

How can you expect me to forget
When you have brightened up my days
How can I possibly erect
A blank memory in your place?

I know that you don't love me
So why didn't you reject me first
So that I could be free
Free from all the pain, the sadness
And all the misery

Do you still remember that day
When you told me we could be together
And you said that it was okay
That you would love me forever

Do you still recall
The way you touched my hand
That day, last fall
Now our relationship is
As meaningless as sand

When you kissed my lips
Have you forgotten?
Perhaps it was to you a mere kiss
But for me it marked a turn

Do you still remember?
The things you used to say to me
The places we went to together
And the things that you promised me -
Are they just a figment of your memory?

Once, you let me hold you
Once, you pulled me close
But the times that we've touched are so few
That I've begun to miss them the most.

The rose in my heart is dying
And I know it to be true
My life is quickly ending
May you find your love soon.

Her

A bird
A tear
A sad song
That is so clear

Cries
Echo through the night,
And yet
Not more sound is heard
Than my voice box would let.

The sorrow
The fear
The sadness
That I know will never disappear

I ache
I weep
So much so
That I cannot sleep

The bird that flies so freely
That was once mine to hold
Was never mine to begin with
And with the wind, has gone out cold

My eyes are red
As I think about what went wrong
Lying in my bed
Oh, the night is so long!

What should I do?
I cannot understand.
Why did it have to be her?
How much more of this can I stand?

The hurt
The pain
The torture
As though I have been slain and cornered

How much longer
Will I hurt deep inside
How much longer
Before I am squeezed dry?

At first
I had merely wanted to be her friend
But now,
How my heart aches to mend!