Masked Reflection

You peer through the quilts
As the light of dawn creeps through the blinds
Soft morning breeze soon sneaks in, as if wringing your neck
And in your throat a striking lack of breath you will find

As the minutes tick by
You notice your reflection in the mirror to be amiss
You try to tell yourself that it's not a lie
But you know you cannot escape it, or so you insist

A mask can be peeled off easily
But once gone, you will fight a losing battle
Society will jeer and taunt
And then no armour can save you, even if made of the strongest metal

A slip of the tongue could be fatal
If those you knew had known what you turned out to be
Segregated from life as a normal human
For they are quick to believe what they hear and see

Those that seem to accept you for who you are
Are usually the ones who cast you aside
Once they realise your true orientation
So soon there will be none in whom you can confide

Your fragile days with hope and joy
All gone
With melancholy and regret all you have left
Leaving you restless, cold and forlorn

And the word called acceptance
Will be nowhere to be found
This family of ours is all we have
And to our labels will we be bound

This melody, so soft and ringing
Is the aria of rejection
You isolate yourself for fear of isolation
And strive to be normal in this abnormal obsession.

This is my Aria, This is my Song

This is my aria
This is my song
An ode of my love
A prelude of adoration
Still going strong

Dearest my love
Can you hear me?
You're far away, I know, and I'll never see you again
But love, do you still hate me?

I'm sorry for what I've done
I've hurt you without knowing
I didn't realise you had suffered
When I thought I was being loving

Ever since you left, darling
My soul has been shred to pieces
You taught me how to cut before
Do you remember?
You taught me that to life, there is more

Virgin blood has been shed
Severed skin tenderly divine
My love for you infused in every slit
With your memories still haunting my mind

I've kept your identity
I haven't told a soul
No matter who found out about me
What you've done to me, no one have I told

Relations with relatives
Breaking like shards of a mirror
Daring not to burden my God-given friends
So causing insanity to be triggered by a touch of life's lever

You probably won't believe me, I know
But see, I'm useless
I'm just like my father, always hurting my mother so -
This is my life's curse

My birthday is coming soon
It's likely you won't remember
This girl does not want to live to see that day
So God, please take those eyes of hers

My dearest love, I know that you are gone
But Time, the greatest Healer, cannot erase the pain
That has left me empty, cold and forlorn
In this world where all I deserve is to hang my head in shame

This is my aria
This is my song
An ode of my love to you
A prelude of adoration for you
That will last a lifetime long.

Lies

I listen to the crisp resonance
Of crackling leaves with winter in tow
I tear through the shackling brambles
A single question overwhelms my mind - where do I go?

Stopping would be lethal
Though branches slit and graze my face
A single shot could well attack me
And rob me of life's sweet grace

My captors are coming
Here to take those of my kind
I wasn't meant to be found out
But slowly they take control of my mind

Eyes charting every corner
Beneath that temperate snow
Slight hesitation soon turns fatal
Metal engulfs my feet, numbing me with their cold

Faces all around me
Appearing from the distance
An instant of pain pierces my eyes
And in closing, I understand the cries
Of those before me, trapped in Mankind's lies...

The March

Red, Violet, Green
Plastered across our faces
Arms adorned with the rainbow
Marching as one, regardless of our races

Our heads and flag held high
Don't hate
Love tattooed on our ring fingers
We will fight for our rights on Eight

Though disowned by parents
And shunned by society
Estranged from our siblings, even,
But no worries, we're all part of this family.

Our demonstration includes Girls
- Boys too -
Barbies, and a thousand other marchers
Waving the alternate flag of Pink, Yellow and Blue.

We walk with pride
Black and pink Triangles no more
We're entitled to love, and a love
With no Name does not exist anymore.

Prelude to A Lady

There's a girl seated in front of me
And she's really dream-like pretty
With her short cropped hair
The songs are playing, and she's smiling
Without a care

My heart adores her eyes,
Gleaming like gems in the sand
Her back down
The fluent flow of the pen with her swift, moving hand

The golden tan of her skin
Pink lips with chapstick
Her looks intoxicating, as if I've fallen in
The prelude of illusion, by my eyes made fake

But in a flash I divert my gaze
And turning back, vanished without a trace
But that moment of short-lived passion
Left me in a lapse of sensual infatuation...

O Snow White, O Queen!

Snow White
How your beauty shines!
My Queen
How sweet your cold, betraying crimes!

Caught sight of your face
Stopped dead in my tracks
My Rose, my Sadness
In kindness do you lack.

As I walked behind you
Twice our eyes did meet
Your cropped black hair, your pale white skin,
I understood your feelings
Without speaking.

I heard your voice
The rugged, crisp tone
Several times I cursed
You were my First
And mine Alone.

You spoke no words
We made no sound
For it was resentment
That in your Coldness I had found.

O Snow White
O Queen!
Why hide Hate so carelessly
As if to love were a Sin?

Queen

Stop and stare
Looking into your eyes
Raven black hair, snow white skin
You were once mine.

Affection hurts
Smiles sting
Rejection is obvious
Melancholy sings.

Your gentle face
Forever engrained in my mind
You were my queen
But past is left behind.

My eyes still follow you
Stalking you,
Creeping
After you

Only to realise
That I
Still
Love you...

Two Worlds

There are two separate worlds
Here on this very earth
Both of which filled with sin and grief
And also with Hell's curse

The first world, created first
Symbolised by a straight line
The second, evolved from the first
Had become curvy in time

Many are lured from the first to the second
Some are stuck in between
Those who are lured think their world is best
Whilst the other side discriminates against these 'fiends'

The second world thinks they are mighty
Saying their world is free from Pain,
Inequality and Despair - a Fact
Yet lies can be feigned

They use media to convey these benefits
And those naive will believe
But the other side will point out and hate
The 'wrong' that has been achieved

When the lured have two feet in
There is no exit from the 'sin'
The other side, seeing this problem, real,
Proclaim this as pure Evil

The second claims the absence of prejudice;
There have been debates over which world is best -
The first protests against such statements
But both have their shortcomings, yes.

Those in the middle can see it all
From both sides, the good and bad
Some remain in the second, some first
For their ingrained phobic mindsets have all been shed

Some choose to live in both worlds
By putting on a front
Some remain in denial
Some stay on in either one.

Perhaps the second, too, is in denial
But claims on both sides stand true.
Will there ever be a compromise, I wonder,
And, dear reader, which side will you choose?

Red

It is a mere prick

On a white, beige backdrop

A drop of liquid emerges, however

The liquid fails to stop

A line is clearly seen

With scarlet on its surface

The red is tainted fresh

Like a virgin's, no longer chaste

A whiff of rancid stench

Soon arrives out of nowhere

Whilst the liquid, flowing,

Staining the skin of one so fair

You feel your consciousness ebbing away

As you watch the red that was once so bright

Turn to a rusty shade of scarlet

And the lovely scar on your wrist

Slowly fades from sight.

Pain

Now although there is no pain
But sooner or later
It will come back again

And so it haunts,
For it craves
For a soul to kill,
For a soul to slay

Its blood is its water
Its flesh is its bread
And it sucks out a life
Within a single breath

The fire all around me
As I watch the flames engulf me
The pain feels so heavenly
Whilst ashes char my hands eternally

I sit and watch the oceans
While I am enveloped in its grace
Compared to being freed
The agony is much more to my taste.

I'll Still Love You

Although the days have passed
I cannot forget
Although I have lost you
The torture does not end

Every morning I pass you by
It is you I see
I still love you, I cannot lie
But you still hate me

When I see you with your friends,
The pain hits the core
Tell me, what did I do?
Whether I live or die, you do not care anymore

If you asked me to come back
I would forget all the pain you have caused
And in a flash,
I would return to your side once more

Although you have done me wrong
I have since forgiven you
No longer am I overwhelmed with fury
Because no matter what, I'll still love you

Past

Rose petals
They flutter onto the floor
I pick them up with my fingers
And watch as they fall

No longer does it matter
I have changed, you say
The losing battle is now over
And the one you used to know
No longer exists today

I knew this would happen
I knew it to be true
Yes, you did break my heart
But I have since started anew

No longer will we see each other
Our familiarities have gone
The reason you will not tell me
Whether it is me who has done you wrong

No more living in memories
For now the past is past
We have gone our separate ways
For this love was never to last.

Help me

Midnight -
I sit engulfed by the darkness of the room
I try to put up a fight
But I know that he will come soon

I yell, I shout
I tell him to leave me
I try to block him out
And although I hear his voice, it is him I cannot see

I scream for him to stop
But his screeches make my ears ring
The sound resonates -
I shiver with the pain it brings

I know that he wants it -
My veins are hot
The fact that he wants control of my body -
Is it my fault?

I never used to be this way;
Until I had met her
I had never gone insane

I fight back; I resist
I do not give him control of my mind
He does not tolerate this
Is this a sign?

My life is his desire
His want, his lust
To descend me into Hell's fire
He says it is my destiny, it is a must

I tremble, I shake
I scream as he takes advantage
He possesses me
I howl in agony

I writhe in pain
Overcome with shame and agony
I know my cries are useless - no one will hear me
And yet I cry -
"Somebody, please help me"

A Letter

Sometimes I wish you'd fade away
But then I hope for you to say

That you won't go
That you will stay
That you might love me the way you used to say

I say I'm sorry
I say "Forgive me,"
But will you really?
Or will you hate me?

I don't know, I cannot say
After that shrug you used on me
I knew I had no chance to stay
For the shouts you used to say to me
Had scared my very self away

There in the kitchen lies a knife
That has the power to take a life
My prayer for insanity is not just a lie
For I do, indeed, wish to die.

But don't you fret - it is not your fault
For this is the fate that I have sought
I will leave you alone; I won't haunt you back
Despite the fact that your haunting me has no lack

So I say goodbye
Go back, farewell.
Till we meet in the next life
Or so Fate foretells.

The Bride

As the church bells begin to ring
So the cathedral lark starts to sing
The wooden doors burst wide open
And the bride, beneath her veil, is curtained

Her cheeks are pink
The blushing bride
Her smile she does not try to hide

Her long, brown hair
Glistening in the wind
Her eyes are happy
O, she smiles from within.

O, but does she know
The misfortune that is to be her woe
Does she see? That is, of this -
Or in her joy, the obvious she will miss?

Does she not see?
The rotten dirt she is to marry
Can she not tell?
That it is to abuse and suffering
Her soul she is about to sell.

This very young lady
One so pure, gentle, fair
Is about to be ripped apart by grief,
Violence and despair.

She will be treated as an object -
No choice, freedom, or life
Those who deny deny the fact
That has been proven worldwide:

All the descendants of his tribe
Have that nature, that which,
In their hearts, it sits
For they believe Eve was from their side
And so do to her as they deem fit

They despise and hate
Those they see as immoral
And believe they will die by the hands of Fate -
Rejoicing at their funeral

They claim themselves to be so pure
Clean and free and free from sin
Yet they take joy at Lucifer's fall
And treat him as their king.

They are blind, for they feel
The 'confused' are so sinful
That they are nothing more than Hell's tool
But are they not, by their actions, ten times more evil?

To them, prejudice, discrimination and abuse
Are rightly godly things
And the 'confused' who do no such sins
Are horrible, ghastly, unworthy beings.

But those of the 21st century
Deny this fact - they take no heed
But to their heels they take to find some means
To prove themselves right, justified and believed.

So I do pray
That you may take advice
Unlike the innocent bride
Who will, inevitably, succumb to their vice.

Ashes

Ashes fade away
The darkness turns to day
Do I still feel the pain?
I cannot tell, I cannot say.

The vines beneath my feet
Are crawling, creeping in.
The scars on my left hand
Are soon disappearing

I cannot leave, I cannot stay
I cannot run away

If that person ceased to exist
I would not have been this way
If I had never met her
Things would not have been a disarray

What shall I do?
What can I say?
From what, to me, was so dear
I have been torn away

I cannot blame her
She did no wrong
Perhaps the fault lies with me
Perhaps I am the cause

Where should I go?
Where should I hide?
Should I run away?
Should I lie?

Should I pretend?
Should I run?
Will I be a coward
Or will I face what is to come?

I used to wish for death
To wish to go insane
Now after what is done
Am I still pretending?

Perhaps I should go
Perhaps I should leave
I must learn to forget
So memories disappear like thieves

For I cannot breathe -
I have been drowned
Drowned in a lake
A lake of sweet memory

Maybe I should pretend
That I will forget
So that my wish would be fulfilled
And perhaps my life will end.

Silence

Silence, in the night
Darkness does not try to hide
The walls around me are crumbling
As I hurt deep inside

Silence, in my body
I cannot think straight anymore
My heart and mind are closed
I have become nothing but a core

I am but a shell
Of the self that I once was
My spirit is dead and my heart is gone
Of this misery, I am the cause

Slowly I am losing my sanity
Slowly my life is ebbing away
For now I am dead and so is my soul -
To think that I had been wishing for this very day

I used to wish for death
I used to lust for blood
But now that I have received death
I feel as if I had drawn a tarot card

It was not meant to happen this way
It was not meant to be
And now the one that I love -
She no longer cares for me

I know she does not love me
But I am grateful for what she has done
The short time we used to be together
Has been a spark in this darkness as bright as the sun

I am grateful for the friends
That had comforted me in my time of need
If not for them, where would I be?
If not for them, what would have become of me?

Now although I am dead
The memories remain
But soon they will fade
And all that is left will be the remnants of my shame.

It Is Too Late

Knives
Piercing into my heart
I feel as fragile
As a shard of glass

I cannot escape
The darkness that has engulfed me
My fears are changing shape
And the bondage of my sin
Is the cause of my misery

If a rose's petals have fallen
Is it not still a rose?
Is it not still, in all its parts
The very embodiment of a rose?

If a mirror has been broken
Into a thousand shards of glass
Are the shards no longer tokens
Of the mirror that once reflected stars?

If a man was a criminal
No matter how hard he works
To fit into society
Was he not still a criminal at first?

So how can you say
My sin is not a sin
When what I have done
Has almost caused the death of my kin?

So how can you say
That it is not my fault
What do you know
Of this pain that feels like I have been shot?

Do you think my problem is simply solved
By telling it to them
Do you think that by doing so
You are a light unto my lamp?

Do you not see
How foolish your doings are
I know your good intentions,
But your actions make you stupidest of all so far

It is purely my fault -
I have caused this misery
It would be absurd to tell
If I had kept it under wraps
For close to half a century

I do not want to disappoint
I do not want to let them down
For it is now too late
The damage has been done.

I Will Be By Her Side

My dreams are still
My eyes are open
My body is asleep
But my mind is frozen

My heart is no longer plagued with love
But rather with the knowledge of my sin
No longer am I stricken with grief
But more with the sorrow of my kin.

I am worried for her;
I am scared and frightened
That she may end up like me
During that peak in which my sin was heightened.

I cannot forget
The bloodlust I used to feel
It is torment
Just to recall the time when I had wanted so much to kill

Were it not for my divine Creator
I would have been condemned to Hell
Were it not for my Heavenly Father
I would, from His grace, have fell

My earthly father would have died
He would have gone to Heaven;
If my bloodlust had continued
Out of all the sins, I would have committed all seven.

No one was there for me
At the time I needed help the most
I could not tell a single soul
And so paid the price for that very toll

I do not wish to see
That which had happened to me
Occur to her
In the same torturous way it had occurred to me

Hence I will not leave her alone
For I have decided
To be right by her side
In this time of need that she has shown.

Time

When time stops
Time flies
I stop in my tracks
And I feel like I'm going to die

The hands of the clock
Keep moving -
They don't stop.

I try to run away
As far as I can
Because I cannot stay -
The ground is like quicksand.

But wherever I go
You creep into my mind
Whatever I do
You turn up in my sight.

I want to stop this
You said you loved me
But after we kissed
You didn't want me

I cannot forget
The kindness you have shown
Now I feel like dying -
This is the fruit of the seeds I have sown.

When will this stop?
When will this end?
When can I finally run away
And escape this enveloping sand?

At first you brought me joy
But now it's turned to unease
As though my love was planted in soil
Soil that brings only disease

My heart aches
As the days go by
My eyes are red
As I lay on my bed and cry

Have mercy on me,
This, of you I implore
Leave me alone already
So that we can end this once and for all.

Rose Petals Have Fallen

Rose petals have fallen
And what was once mine
Has been forgotten

How can you expect me to forget
When you have brightened up my days
How can I possibly erect
A blank memory in your place?

I know that you don't love me
So why didn't you reject me first
So that I could be free
Free from all the pain, the sadness
And all the misery

Do you still remember that day
When you told me we could be together
And you said that it was okay
That you would love me forever

Do you still recall
The way you touched my hand
That day, last fall
Now our relationship is
As meaningless as sand

When you kissed my lips
Have you forgotten?
Perhaps it was to you a mere kiss
But for me it marked a turn

Do you still remember?
The things you used to say to me
The places we went to together
And the things that you promised me -
Are they just a figment of your memory?

Once, you let me hold you
Once, you pulled me close
But the times that we've touched are so few
That I've begun to miss them the most.

The rose in my heart is dying
And I know it to be true
My life is quickly ending
May you find your love soon.

Her

A bird
A tear
A sad song
That is so clear

Cries
Echo through the night,
And yet
Not more sound is heard
Than my voice box would let.

The sorrow
The fear
The sadness
That I know will never disappear

I ache
I weep
So much so
That I cannot sleep

The bird that flies so freely
That was once mine to hold
Was never mine to begin with
And with the wind, has gone out cold

My eyes are red
As I think about what went wrong
Lying in my bed
Oh, the night is so long!

What should I do?
I cannot understand.
Why did it have to be her?
How much more of this can I stand?

The hurt
The pain
The torture
As though I have been slain and cornered

How much longer
Will I hurt deep inside
How much longer
Before I am squeezed dry?

At first
I had merely wanted to be her friend
But now,
How my heart aches to mend!